My Love
by Blind Bird
Summary: She wrote him a letter in case she didn't survive the battle. When Alistair finds it will it bring him any peace? Will their love last while one has traveled through the fade?


He felt her loss as the archdemon fell. It was like his soul had been ripped apart. As the blast shook Denerim he felt her spirit leave. He turned to stare at the top of Fort Drakon. His love was gone, and he was now alone.

And he ran.

He ran straight for the top of the prison knowing what he would find. He heard the shouts and applauds as he ran. People were calling his name, calling for the king. He didn't care, he had to see her. He needed to hold her.

He threw open the door leading to where the battle had been. His began to frantically search for her. His love, his life. He saw her lying beside the demon. She looked do small lying there, so fragile. He knelt down beside her and pulled her into his arms. He began to whisper in her ear of his love, his dreams, the promises they had to each other. He didn't notice when his companions had come, but he looked when he heard the voice of Eamon, telling him he needed to be downstairs with his people. He was now the king.

He saw them then. They had formed a shield around them, not letting anyone in. He looked to Wynne, a plea in his eye that he couldn't speak.

Not yet, please let me stay.

"We will bring him down when he is ready." Wynne told Eamon in her _don't argue with me_ grandmother voice.

They were alone again.

He carried her body back to the castle. Any time someone would get near enough to try and her, a growl would form in his throat, scaring the people away. No one knew what scared them more; his growl or the feral look in his eyes.

Once he had been assured she would be safe where she was, he headed upstairs. He wanted to change. As he walked down the hallways, he saw that her door was open. Anger rushed through him, _who would dare enter her rooms!_

But the door had not been opened by a person. He ran into the room to see the dresser torn apart and Kaylana's belonging on the floor. He was about to yell when he saw Colum lying in the pile of her clothes.

"I miss her too." Alistair said as he sat on the floor beside him. Colum moved to lay his head on Alistair's lap, much like he did with Kaylana after a tough day or just because he thought she needed it.

"She would know what to do now." He looked down at the great warhound, who currently looked like a defeated puppy. "You can stay here with me, if you want. She loved you a great deal, you know. Silly dog, all those treats she would give you." He got a hand lick. "I assume that's a yes." He smiled slightly as petted the dog on the head. "I say we stay here tonight. It smells like her here. I want to keep that."

He got up and looked around the room. She had little here, but the room spoke of her presence. When his eyes landed on the vanity he saw an envelope with his name. It had her writing on it. He sat down staring at it, his heart beating faster. Picking it up he took the letter out.

_My love, _

_Oh Alistair! I hope you never have to read this. I hope that we both survive the coming battle. But if for someone reason I don't make it, I i... wanted to say some things to you. I guess this is kind of morbid, letter from a dead woman, huh. I love you so much. And to know that I may not see you again is tearing me apart. There were so many things that we were supposed to do. We were going to be together no matter what, remember? I guess I was wrong about that. I am so happy that I found you. _

Alistair looked up from the letter. We were both wrong love. But I am so happy to have found you too.

_You helped bring me back after Howe slaughtered my family. I felt so guilty for leaving them behind. I know in my head that it was the only way, but sometimes my heart disagrees. You eased my anger and helped me to mourn, and to let go. I just wish I would have known if Fergus made it. Will you find out for me? Tell him Pup loves him, and I'll be with father and mother; tell him I'll look after Oriana and Oren too. Tell him I did my duty just like a Cousland is supposed to do. Tell him vengeance was done. If he asks (I'm sure he will) tell him, I made Howe suffer. _

_Do you think it's true? Will I get to see family again? Or will I be damned for what I have done? I always tried to do what was right, what was best for this nation. I have put duty before everything and look what it has cost me! There is blood on my hands for the people I didn't save, because of choice. The people that I did, because of necessity. That does not make it right though does it? I did the best I could. Do you think the Maker will understand? I have to believe He will, because the hope of seeing my family again is the one thing that makes this decision more peaceful for me. _

Did she really think that? Oh love, I bet they were waiting for you. There would be no way she would ever be considered a damned soul.

_I wish to touch you now. I want to feel you beside me. You always make me feel safe and loved. There is nowhere else that I wish to be, than with you. No matter where we are (though the Deep Roads were the worst! Oh the voices!) I was comforted with you by my side. You are a strong man; let no one tell you different! And you will be a great king. I know it. Trust yourself. _

_I asked Colum to stay with you. He's a great judge of people. He'll help you weed out the bad ones. You know he understands. He'll probably do a better job than any of your guards. Ha ha. But he is a big puppy at heart, you know that. Maybe you will be able to help each other after I'm gone. Remember his jerky treats and always have a bone by the bed. There should be a scarf with his things I keep in my bag. He likes to sleep with on the road. I think it reminds him of home. _

He looked down at the huge mabari. "So you're going to stay here." Colum barked in agreement. Alistair felt himself smile. He looked back at the letter, "She doesn't know it's her scent that comforts you does she?"

_Watch over our friends please. Leliana is extremely strong willed but has a soft heart; she hides things well. I think she wants to protect the ashes. Help her with that. Zevran does too, but his real reason is that he wants someone to truly care for him. He can be the most loyal friend if you'll let him. But the Crows may still come after him. Keep an eye out will you? Sten will head home soon I think. The Qun are lucky to have him. Wynne will look after you too. She's a great advisor; you should make her your royal advisor. Morrigan already left and I don't think that you will see her again. Ohgren, well he's an island of his own. He's a tough man and a great warrior. If he wishes to stay maybe he could have a commanding position in the army. I think that would fit him. Tell Shale she can do whatever she wants now. She is her own master now. _

"For you, I would rope the moon," He whispered to the air.

_There is something I need to tell you. We promised each other no secrets. Morrigan was in my chambers when we finished our talk with Rhiordan. She told me about a ritual that could save us both. _

"She what! You could still be alive! Why, why are you gone then?" Colum whimpered beside him. "Sorry boy didn't mean to yell."

_It is a dark ritual that would require that a warden newly tainted warden would need to lay with her. They would conceive a child. I couldn't Alistair! Not that! I couldn't bare the thought of you with someone else. Fathering another woman's child. A child I may not have been able to give you. It may have been selfish, maybe I should have talked to you. I don't want to die, but I don't have to live because of that. I am sorry. I hope that you can forgive me. I love you more than anything in this world, but I couldn't agree to that. I guess it doesn't matter now._

"I had a right to know. I wouldn't have done that to you. You shouldn't have had to shoulder that alone."

_Promise me you'll be strong. That you can find some peace. That you won't be alone. I want you to be happy. Maybe you will find someone you can care about. I want that for you. Have the family we always wanted. I'll always be watching over you. I'll be waiting for you for your calling comes. No matter what I have to do, you won't be alone. _

_I must go now. I am hoping you are still awake and that I can spend this night in your arms. Because if it our last together, I want to memorize every moment. No matter what the morrow brings, know that I love you forever and always. You are part of my soul and I will wait an eternity for you to find me again. _

_If Rhiordan should fall before the archdemon is dead. I will do my duty as a Cousland and a Warden, for this land must be saved. I will pay the cost if it means you can live. _

_In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice._

_With all my heart and love,_

_Kaylana_

Alistair folded the letter and laid it on the vanity. "And I will wait for you."

It has been 28 years since the blight has ended. Alistair had become a great king. His people loved him. He was strong, but kind. About 5 years after the blight had he met a young woman named Nevara. She reminded him of Kaylana. He began talking to her and they had formed a bond, becoming great friends. He told her all about Kaylana and his love for her. The more time they spent together the more he grew to care for her. Nevara knew that he would never truly her, never truly love anyone after Kaylana, but she agreed to marry him. A marriage of trust and friendship was better than some people had.

His eyes were always sad, but some happiness would occasionally shine through. They named their first born Duncan. A couple years later they had a girl. Much to Alistair's surprise, Nevara suggested naming the girl Kaylana. They were a happy family.

Alistair lay sleeping, his nightmares of the darkspawn coming more frequently. It was one such night that he heard her.

"_Alistair." _Her voice was like a whisper floating in the wind.

He looked around and saw her standing a few feet away. He ran to her.

"_Alistair, the time has come. I'm waiting for you. Will you join me?"_

He looked in her eyes, his own sadness reflecting back. He reached out his to caress her face, hoping to bring her some comfort.

"Oh Maker, how I have missed you. I will join you soon. And finally we can be together."

"_I will be waiting for you."_

Alistair and Colum arrived in Orzammar a couple of weeks later. He did not know why the mabari was still alive, but was grateful he had been by his side through the years. He spent one night as guest of King Bhelen. The following morning he grabbed his pack making sure he had Colum's jerky with him.

He had been in the deep roads for almost 2 days but had yet to feel her presence. Alistair had begun to worry. _Where are you? I'm waiting for you? _

That night as he sat by the fire, he pulled her letter out of his pack. It was old and worn. He kept it with him reading it every now then hearing her voice with every word. He laid down reading the letter over and over as he drifted off to sleep.

_She was sitting on a rock looking out onto the water. She looked so peaceful he just stood back and watched her. After what only seemed a moment she spoke out_

"_I can hear you breathing all the way over here."She stood and turned to face him. "Are you going to come and say hello?"_

_He was standing before her, before he has even thought of moving. He pulled her to him tilting his head down to kiss her. It was unsure at first, but quickly turned to need as he tasted her. _

"_Maker, you are real! You're really here. Oh love, I didn't feel you. I got worried. I waited for you. I tried finding you." He began to cry, holding her to him as tight as he could. _

"_I'm here. I've missed you too. I've been waiting for so long." She whispered softly. "I'll never leave you again."_

_She wiped the tears from her eyes, a frown coming to her face. "It is sooner than I thought. You need to wake up now. The darkspawn know you're here. You must fight." Her eyes saddened. "It will be over soon."_

_She saw the sadness in his eyes. "It will be ok. Just wake up. I will be with you. I will fight by your side until your last breath." She kissed his forehead. _

"You need to wake up." The voice was so real. Blinking he opened his eyes and saw her looking down at him. "I told you I would be here. Let's show these bastards how a warden dies." She stood, grabbing a hold of his arm to pull him up.

Colum barked ecstatically, jumping all over her. "It's good to see you too, boy. Are you ready too? You don't have to stay." He let out an angry whimper. "Just making sure."

When the darkspawn appeared they were ready. Colum let out deep growl and charged. Alistair was next running and bashing them with his shield before running them through with his sword. He turned when he heard Colum yelp out when a Hurlock had stab the dog through his side. Alistair was there in an instant and cut off the spawns head before he could defend himself. Kaylana was then beside him.

"I'll look after him. He's just in pain now. It should be me." Alistair only nodded.

"I'll see you soon. Ok." Alistair pulled a treat from the pouch on his side. "One for the road." He put on the ground next to him. Colum whimpered and licked his hand, as if agreeing.

Quickly he turned back, his mind going back to the battle. He was outnumbered and soon felt his stamina was draining. He didn't feel the blade until it had sliced through his middle. He looked over to see his love at his side.

"Shh. It's ok. It is almost over. I know it hurts, but not for much longer. Look at me. Are you ready? You cannot fight anymore." Alistair nodded.

"I only want to be with you." He said as he reached for her.

"Then take my hand. We will be together for eternity. We have done much and now it is our time."

Alistair grabbed her hand, his eyes closing. He finally felt the peace and love that he had longed for, for such a long time.


End file.
